


well-deserved

by Cloudnine101



Series: Stormpilot Stories [10]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: After Valentine's Day Has Been And Gone, Angst, First Kiss, Gift Giving, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudnine101/pseuds/Cloudnine101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Happy Valentine's," Finn says, and just about chucks the bundle at his chest.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	well-deserved

Poe's just put down in the jet. Pava's jogging off ahead of him; Finn's there, too, leaning against the side of another plane. The sight of him makes something jar slightly in Poe's brain.

Poe calls out to him. Finn responds -

"Happy Valentine's," Finn says, and just about chucks the bundle at his chest. Poe's startled. As he starts to tear off the wrapping paper, Finn's still speaking: "Pava told me that it would be, uh, appropriate to get something for somebody I'm grateful to, so - here it is."

"Of course she did." Poe resists the temptation to bury his head in his hands, but he can't - not when Finn's smiling so sweetly at him. He always looks especially lovely when he smiles. "I'm - thanks for this, buddy. I appreciate it."

"You haven't even opened it, yet."

And that's the thing - Poe hasn't. It's still sitting in his hands, and he knows he should be getting around to finishing the job. Can anybody blame him for savouring the moment? When Finn inevitably discovers what Valentine's is really all about, he'll be horrified he handed this over.

On the flip side, what if he doesn't? What if Poe gets Valentine's Day gifts every year? Finn doesn't love him, that's for sure - but maybe he likes him enough? Maybe Finn would see it as an act of kindness. Poe would get this warm feeling in his chest, and Finn would get to feel as though he was doing good in the world, and Pava would think that her hopeless little fantasy was playing out. In the end, it only has positive consequences. What harm could it do?

Poe laughs. He weighs the parcel in both hands. It's relatively heavy, but not too bad.

"I saved up my pay portion for a couple of weeks," Finn says, running his hand through his hair - and isn't that wonderful? That Poe gets to be the one Finn wastes his money on. Poe wants that. He doesn't want to want it, but he does. He wants Finn to spend more and more on him - to treat him right.

Finn doesn't get paid enough as it is, for his work. It's not proper.

"You didn't have to do that," Poe says.

Finn flushes. "I know. I just - okay, quit making me feel bad and open it already!"

Stifling his hysteria, Poe slides his fingers underneath the paper. Whatever's inside is soft to the touch - silky, almost. Poe can't hold down a gasp, although it comes up more as a choke.

"It's so _soft_ ," Poe says, before biting down on his lip - hard. He must sound ridiculous. Finn ought to be the one to yearn for gentleness - he's had the worst of the worst for as long as he's lived - and here's Poe, cooing over the sincere gesture of friendship Finn's shown him as though it was a marriage proposal!

Poe wants that gentleness. He wants something soft. He wants to be loved, and cherished, and valued as more than a pretty face or a good ass - which he has, let's be honest. The fact is, Poe's lonely, and Finn's kind and good and handsome and strong.

"I like treating you," Finn's saying. "You deserve it. You saved my life."

Despite himself, Poe feels his stomach drop. "Should've stuck with the first part," he mutters.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Poe takes off the sheet, bunching it up in one hand, and takes a look. It's a jacket, of course - seems as if it's been made to match the one Poe gave away, only this one's fitted. It looks as though it would skim over his every bad part, and sway when he moved. It's dark, rich and _smooth_. It's the kind of item only the richest of the rich businesspeople used to wear in his hometown.

It's not for him, surely? This jacket isn't one to be chucked on and off during missions. It has to be pressed, and folded up, and put into a box, and never taken out again.

"Poe? I'm getting radio silence, here. Do you copy, Dameron?"

Finn's smile is a little uncertain. Poe scoops him up in a hug, allowing their bodies to align. Finn's always been such a good hugger, even if he does need Poe to practise on from time to time.

"It's the best," Poe gets out. Finn's eyes are bright and wide. Poe smooths his hands up and down the sleeves of Finn's jacket - the one that used to belong to Poe, but fits Finn so much better - and wills himself not to burst into tears like a squalling brat. "Are you sure I should - I mean, can I keep it?"

"Well, we're hardly gonna share, right? I couldn't fit that."

It might be Poe's imagination, but he thinks that Finn's looking at his chest as he speaks. Poe preens. His body's one part of himself that he keeps in top condition. It's never let him down.

Poe swears, and steps back. "I've gotta get a hanger for this," he says.

Finn's forehead crinkles. "Aren't you gonna put it on?"

Poe feels his face freeze. The grin's still there, only it's stuck in a photograph, and it's faked. He has to keep it up. "What do you mean?"

Finn steps forward. "The jacket, Poe. I thought you'd wear it, unless - is that not what people do, at first?"

"No, it is, I - " Poe steadies himself, and pats Finn's shoulder. Finn's always so careful not to touch him. Some dark, secret part of Poe wishes he'd get past that _soon_. "I'm pleased. Really. Kriff, I'm delighted!"

"Then why - ?"

Poe grapples with an answer. "I don't think," he says, slowly, "that it's for everyday wear."

"Is it not? 'Cause Pava said you could probably have it on the whole day. It's durable." Finn prods at it with the pad of one finger. Poe feels, absurdly, as though he should hold it closer to him. It's a reflex, and a stupid one at that. Finn notices anyway. "What is it, buddy? What's wrong?"

Buddy - that's what he calls Finn. It's plain wrong, to hear Finn reverse it. Poe doesn't want to be Finn's _buddy_. And that's what stings the most - they have such a _brilliant_ friendship, and Poe - selfish, greedy - wants _more_.

"I don't know. I'm just in my own head today." Finn seems about to ask more, so Poe deflects - "Listen, I am gonna wear it. I want time to get to know it first - don't want to crease it while I'm out in the field. Okay?"

"Okay."

Sighing with relief, Poe rubs circles into Finn's skin, delighting in the heat there. "Alright. I've gotta run. See you later?"

"Absolutely," Finn says, and Poe turns around and walks off down the runway, back towards the showers. It's only then that he realises he's not going _into_ the field now.

 

_

 

The only answer to this particularly experience, of course, is to get absolutely hammered.

"It's like he's - he's my boyfriend," Poe says, "and he's given me an actual Valentine's Day gift! That's not - _right_ , you know?"

"Why not?" Snap pats him gently on the back. Poe coughs, and Snap continues, "Everybody knows he wants to - do things with you."

"Do things?" Poe says. "Never mind. Look. He doesn't. I can tell you that for certain."

"How come?"

"Well, first up, Pava gave him the idea. He'd never have done it if it wasn't for her. Second, he gets me this - this jacket, which is - woah, and - and not something I'd ever wear, you know? 'Cause it'd get stained, and, third, it's not - where I come from, the only reason I'd have something like that was if I stole it, and was about to - to sell it on."

"Oh," Snap says, his eyes darting to the doorway. Looking for a way out, the scumbag. Let him leave. Poe doesn't need him here. His head drops to the table.

"You're a good pilot, Snap," Poe says, "but you're terrible at relationship advice."

"I could help with that," says Finn, and Poe sits bolt upright. Finn's at his left-hand side, in the seat Snap used to occupy - traitor, Poe thinks, and uses that energy to churn out a smile. Everything is being overridden by the pulsation of blood inside his head. "What's your issue?"

Finn seems genuinely concerned. He doesn't know - but he could. Could he? Could he have guess from what he heard? Poe tries to cast his mind back. What was he saying? Was Finn's name there? He definitely spoke about the jacket. That has to be a giveaway. But that was to Snap - _only_ Snap. 

"It sounds to me," Finn's been saying, "as though you think you're worth less than you are."

Poe starts. "Hey, hey. Slow down, there. I know how good I am."

"You think you do. That's the problem." Finn leans forward gently. "If I was to tell you that I think you're the best man I've ever met, what would you say?"

Poe snorts. "I'd tell you to stuff a lightsaber up your - "

"Right. But it's _true_." Finn's fingers are long and slender. Poe can feel the sweat beneath his underarms acutely. "Poe. Please hear me out."

"I am," Poe says.

Finn sighs. "No, you're not, but that's alright, because I forgive you, because I think you're - wonderful."

Wonderful. He's not _wonderful_.

"A piece of free advice," Poe says. "Don't go handing that word around. Save it for somebody who deserves it."

Standing, he raises his arms above his head, and waits for his neck to crick. Finn's hand has curled up into a fist.

"I don't get it," Finn says. "You're the best pilot in the Resistance. You're funny. You're smart. You're very attractive. You're nice. What else - ?"

Poe sits back down. "Finn, I'm gonna tell you a story. It's about a little boy called Poe Dameron, who grew up an orphan."

Finn's mouth falls slack. Poe has his attention, now.

"Well, kinda. His parents were never around, because they were fighting for the Rebellion. Poe lived with his grandparents, who didn't have a lot of cash. He got in with a crowd of other kids who stole. They split up the loot at the end of the day, and each one took a share of the spoils - the higher up the ranks you were, the more you had."

"Poe," Finn says, but Poe holds up a hand.

"These weren't good kids. Poe wasn't a good kid. He cheated, and he lied, and this one time, he helped to beat another boy in an alleyway half to death over a box of fake gemstones the side of your palm. He had blood running down the side of his head."

Finn's staring at his palm intently. Poe swallows. He grips the edge of the bar.

"Poe got older and older. He knew how to run, and how to fight. His parents had come back by then, but he - didn't want to hear about it. The First Order was everywhere - in the streets, in your home, in your family. One of Poe's friends joined up and became an Officer."

Finn's pupils have dilated. Poe can tell that from here.

"Everybody was hungry, Finn. The Order was bleeding us dry - for resources, for scientists, for everything. And then, when they won, they left us in the dirt. There was no money - no economy. I had to help my grandparents. So I bought myself a helmet and enlisted to be a pilot, because I'd seen them in the sky every day since I was six years old."

"And then you were a pilot," Finn says, suddenly. "And you climbed and climbed. You were brave - resilient, determined. You knew that it worked in the same way as - as the gang you'd been in. You kept going, because you needed to provide for your family. You didn't want the medals. You needed to save people - to give them the life you didn't have."

"That's not how it happened," Poe tries to say, but his mouth is dry.

"You earned the respect of your crew-mates. You sent letters to your family. Eventually, you had your own ship, and your own team. Higher-ups began to take notice. You were invited to functions. You became General Organa's right-hand man."

"I wouldn't say _that_ , I'd - "

"And then one day, you were sent on a solo retrieval operation, to get a map to Luke Skywalker - the hero of the Rebellion - back from a bounty hunter on a distant world."

Poe swallows. He looks down. "I did."

"You were young and scared, but you were strong, so you did it. And then you were captured, and - and you were tortured. And you were terrified, but you never gave in. You never gave in." Finn's eyes have clouded. "And a Stormtrooper saw that. He saw."

"He needed a pilot," Poe demurs.

Finn shakes his head. His hand has come to rest over Poe's. The touch is firm. "He needed somebody to show him the way," he says. "You showed me the way."

Poe's crying. "Kriff, Finn," he garbles, scrubbing at his eyes, "I never should've let you around me - "

"You were a boy who did what he had to, and now you're a man who does what is good." Finn's staring at Poe. They're close enough to touch - touch more, touch fully. "You deserve to get everything you want."

Poe kisses him. Finn's hand comes up to the side of his head. Poe leans forward, grappling for contact, and finds himself pushed up against Finn's chest, hands sliding down it. Finn tastes of - he tastes of nothing much, but he smells of oil and apples.

"We've gotta talk about this in the morning," Poe says.

Finn's holding him close, hands right around his waist. "I'd be agreeable to that."


End file.
